This post is just a rant to help get some crap off my chest. Sometimes I feel better after I write a post to rant about what is troubling me. Everybody has their own way of coping with stress and depression; this is mine.

Ugh, It’s Monday

Is it common for people to experience days where they feel an overwhelming urge to stay in bed and neglect their responsibilities? Today is Monday, and despite having a considerable amount of tasks to accomplish, I am struggling to find the motivation to start. This issue does not stem from a lack of energy; rather, it seems my willpower is entirely depleted. Could there be a specific vitamin deficiency contributing to this condition? I am not referring to medications, but rather questioning if perhaps I am lacking an essential nutrient that a vitamin supplement could provide. Could my vitamin B levels be particularly low?

I can practically hear the readers now scoffing, “Why doesn’t he just go see a doctor?” Sure, they’d be right, but the sheer effort it takes to muster up the willpower to drag myself off the couch and make an appointment is laughable. And let’s be real, getting an appointment with a doctor anytime soon? Good luck with that!

Things to do

Today’s a great day to swap out the plastic covering on the greenhouse—it’s overcast and a comfy 20°C. Not a small task, that’s for sure. I also gotta update my Marketplace listings, clean up that old deep fryer to sell, and vacuum and shampoo the rug because it screams “pets live here.” But man, this funk I’m in is really getting me down.

The last time I felt like this, it was due to Sleep Apnea and my lack of proper sleep. I dealt with it using a CPAP machine and was sleeping great afterwards. But now, here we go again with that same feeling. Could it really be more sleep problems?

Unemployed and injured

I’ve been unemployed for the past couple of months, and while we’re not exactly struggling financially, the Employment Insurance Benefits are about to run out in the next month or so, which has me feeling a bit concerned. Job hunting can be incredibly stressful, especially trying to find something suitable at my age. It was really disappointing that the temporary job I had didn’t turn into a permanent, full-time position because it was a great job with decent pay.

That temp job was a disaster waiting to happen—I wrecked my knee when my foot got jammed between some pallets, and while trying to turn, my foot didn’t budge, leaving my knee in shreds. Instead of filing a report with NB Worksafe, I foolishly kept quiet, hoping to secure a permanent full-time position. Big mistake! Now that I’ve been tossed aside, I’m furious at myself for not reporting the injury. This stupid decision is now haunting me, making it hard to figure out my next move for employment.

Escape the Suffocating Grip of This Town

The urgency to find another job has skyrocketed because we’re desperate to sell this dump and finally secure a plot of land where we can build a sanctuary far away from nosy, disrespectful neighbours. What was once a vibrant and pleasant place to live has been invaded by people who couldn’t care less and others whose nonstop drama and blatant disrespect are unbearable. The era of neighbours who understood mutual respect is dead and gone. I long for those days, but they’re buried beneath the filth of today’s inconsiderate society.

A second income is exactly what’s needed right now—one to efficiently tackle bills and another to rapidly save up for a downpayment on a new home with land, far from the constant noise of car doors slamming and loud vehicles shaking the house. No more enduring the incessant thumping of someone’s bass vibrating through the walls. The desire for peace is driving the pursuit of employment anew.

Could this actually be depression?

After grinding down through all of that, I couldn’t help but wonder if this sounds anything like depression. Could it really be? Ranting about all of that just now actually felt oddly therapeutic, almost like getting it off my chest or letting off some steam. Is this genuinely what depression feels like? It doesn’t seem right, I can tell you that.

I just glanced out my window and was hit by the depressing sight of the overgrown grass demanding to be mowed, triggering that suffocating wave of frustration yet again. Ugh, I can’t deal with this right now, especially with that useless mower designed for flat lawns—what a nightmare to use on my bumpy yard! And don’t get me started on that damn bag that clogs up every few feet, forcing me to stop and empty it constantly. Not a chance, not today.

Wrapping It Up

Well, that’s my sad, depressing rant for this Monday morning. Thanks for stopping by and trudging through my complaints and troubles. If you’ve made it this far, I appreciate your time and patience.

I’m really curious to hear your thoughts on all of this. Have you ever found yourself in a similar funk? Do you have any ideas on how someone can get themselves unstuck from this depressing rut? What do you do to push through on tough days like these?

Feel free to share your thoughts and advice in the comments below. Let’s help each other out and maybe find some motivation to tackle the week ahead. Thanks again for reading!