What’s up, doc?

Well, would you look at that—it’s been a hot minute since our last post! I’ve been knee-deep in gardening and trying to make a fortune on Marketplace, so posting has taken a backseat. I’ve got a treasure trove of video ideas swirling in my head, but by the time I finally get to them, the topics will probably belong in a dinosaur museum!

Money grows on plants! Cash Crops!

Now that the Marketplace sales have wrapped up like a gift we didn’t know we needed, it’s time for a cheeky little update on the whirlwind of activity we’ve had lately. Honestly, I’m pleasantly shocked at how well the sales flew off the virtual shelf this year—it was like watching a thrilling game of pop-up whack-a-mole! Zinnias were the rockstars of the show, selling out faster than you can say “spring bloom!” The Teddy Bear Sunflowers, Bachelor Buttons, and straw flowers put on a respectable performance, too, but let’s be real, next year, we’ll be doubling down on the Zinnias like they’re the latest trend on social media!

The green peppers flew off the shelves like they were in a race, while the cucumbers barely made it a day on Marketplace before being snatched up quicker than a sale on socks. Our Roma and Beefsteak tomatoes were the stars of the show, and lucky us, we jumped the gun this year—ready to roll before the crowd started hunting for bargains!

We’ve got a handful of red peppers and some Beefsteak tomatoes left, and I posted a new listing for them that’s already flying off the shelves faster than a cat after a laser pointer. Colour me surprised that our birdhouse gourds are more like wallflowers at a dance party—didn’t anyone want to grow their own quirky home decor?

I figured folks would be clamouring for these hard gourds to craft everything from birdhouses to avant-garde art pieces. I might just keep one plant for myself if they don’t sell, but I’ll have to keep it away from our cucumbers—those two are like the odd couple of the garden, and nobody wants a reality show breakdown in the veggie patch! (UPDATE: at the time of writing this post, somebody is buying all 5: sale pending)

A mountain of yard work has kept me on my toes lately. On the bright side, the garden sales were so lucrative that I splurged on a brand-new lawnmower, because let’s face it, our old one was more of a workout than a tool—pushing that thing on our squishy ground felt like trying to run a marathon in quicksand! With a dull blade and pint-sized wheels, mowing the lawn was more of a sombre chore than a joyful ride.

The new mower, instead of merely sporting a grass catcher bag like its ancient predecessor, boasts the revolutionary ability to eject cut grass off to the side—talk about an upgrade! Remember when mowing with the old mower was a race against time to avoid bag overflow or a clogged disaster? With this snazzy new model, I can ditch the bag entirely and let the grass fly like confetti as I mow. And here’s the kicker: it rolls on its own! I simply follow behind, playing the role of a lawn whisperer. Now that’s some lawn care magic, isn’t it?

Neighbour from hell update

I’ve received a flurry of messages from readers asking about the jaw-dropping outcome of the ‘You Know Who’ trial, and let me tell you, it’s a doozy. First off, she scored a house arrest for 30 days for assault and mischief. Truly, a real feather in the cap—if by feather you mean a pathetic slap on the wrist! What a joke, right? So when the witness summons landed in our laps for the May court spectacle, we couldn’t help but wonder: what’s the actual point? Just another delightful way to waste our time and prime ourselves for the stress of rehashing the nightmare she so graciously gifted us.

So I rang up the Crown and posed the question of whether we genuinely had to show our faces, to which they responded with a resounding yes. However, they promised to have a little chat with the prosecution to explore our options of avoiding this circus altogether. Frankly, this whole ordeal felt like an extravagant glorification of our wasted time, and all we craved was a swift exit from the drama, letting us finally sever ties with her dramatic saga forever.

The day before the Trial, we received a surprise call from one of the officers tangled up in the case, casually dropping the bomb that we wouldn’t need to show up because the prosecution was folding like a cheap suit and dropping the charges against her because we didn’t want to have to deal with it any longer. While it wasn’t the dramatic showdown we’d hoped for, we shrugged it off like a bad haircut—no more messy business to deal with. So, instead of facing the music, she snagged a cushy ‘get out of jail free’ card. Lucky her, right?

It’s over. That’s the only verdict we care to hear. We’d gladly toss that chapter of our lives into the nearest dumpster fire—just a little farewell party for the drama it brought us. Let it roast there eternally, a fitting end for such a riveting spectacle!

Princess’s eye issue update

Back in March, we posted about our dog Princess and her unfortunate staring contest with a corneal ulcer. Good news: she kicked that eye issue to the curb! It turns out the eye drops weren’t just a fancy accessory; they worked their magic, and now she’s back to wagging her tail and giving us the side-eye instead.

She’s bouncing back and channelling her inner goofball again! Sure, her eye might still be a bit foggy—thank you, cataract—but what can you expect when you’re practically a senior citizen? She’s like a wise old sage who’s losing her hearing and her sight in the right eye, but hey, wisdom comes at a cost! It’s a bummer when you wish you could do more for them, but all we can really do is pamper her like the queen she is and keep her happy like it’s the best life in the world!

Speaking of Princess, I just looked at her and I think it’s time for a B-A-T-H.

Something smells sh*tty!

I was attempting to store the new mower in our shed the other day when I stumbled upon a surprise: the ground was wet. Now, it hadn’t rained recently, so I knew this wasn’t a natural occurrence. Then, I caught a whiff of something truly delightful—the unmistakable aroma of the sewer wafting through the air. I thought to myself, “Oh, fantastic. Just what I needed!” I sauntered around to the back of the house, only to discover a mini lake forming. As I removed the skirting around the septic point, I was greeted with a sight that could make anyone cringe—talk about a real “crappy” day!

At first, I was convinced our sewer pipe had staged a dramatic escape from its connection, leaving me to ponder a one-way ticket to plumbing purgatory. Not exactly my idea of a fun afternoon! However, after a delightful close encounter with the aroma of what can only be described as “eau de sewage,” I realized our sewer line was taking a leisurely detour away from the park’s sewer system. Talk about a “not my circus, not my monkeys” scenario! So, I picked up my phone—well, technically, I sent a text—because who needs face-to-face conversations when you’ve got plumbing woes?

The landlord, in a fit of exasperation, summoned the mighty sewer warrior, who arrived in their colossal truck ready to heroically vacuum up the foul waters and rescue the septic system from certain doom. It turns out our good landlord has been battling a recurring villain: tenants who think a grease slip ‘n slide down the drains is a brilliant idea.

Now, while I can’t say for sure if that’s what happened this time, I mean, come on—putting grease down the drains is just lazy and a little dim-witted. It’s like clogging your own arteries with bacon and expecting to feel great! And then there are the infamous folks who toss dirty kitty litter down the toilet—because why make a trip to the trash can when you can flood the plumbing with bad decisions?

Since it turned out to be the park system’s clog, they footed the bill for the clear-out—no charges to our eager wallets! What a relief! I’m thrilled they tackled it earlier yesterday because the smell was making itself too at home in our house; I guess it thought it could blend in with the decor!

Wrapping Up the Whirlwind

And there you have it, folks! From battling garden gnomes to neighbourly courtroom dramas and plumbing adventures that could make a sitcom plot twist, life keeps throwing us some pretty wild curveballs. But hey, isn’t that what makes our stories worth telling? So, whether you’re planting zinnias or navigating the murky waters of homeownership, remember to savour the laughter amid the chaos.

Now, I’m all ears! What did you think of today’s escapades? Have any comical mishaps or entertaining stories of your own to share? Let your thoughts tumble into the comments below! I can’t wait to hear about your adventures—must be some juicy tales out there!